When someone we know messes up or fails at something, we usually know just what to say to make him feel better. We tell others – it’s okay, everyone makes mistakes or they are not alone. But when it comes to our own mistakes or failures, we often beat ourselves up and find it hard to understand, tolerate, and forgive. Why is that?
- Our Childhood Influence: From an early age, we’re taught the importance of showing kindness and empathy towards others. We’re encouraged to be there for our loved ones when they’re feeling down. As a result, comforting others becomes second nature, but we frequently overlook the need to show ourselves the same level of compassion and care.
- Fear of Seeming Weak: Many of us are scared that if we’re too nice to ourselves, others might think we’re weak or self-centered. So, we act tough and expect too much from ourselves, even when it’s not fair.
- Constantly Chasing Perfection: Our society really loves success and perfection. Everywhere we look, we see people who seem to have everything together, which can make us feel like we’re not good enough. We are pretty good at forgiving others when they make mistakes, but when it comes to us, we set the bar impossibly high.
- What We have Learned from Our Culture and Family: Our culture and family play a big role in shaping how we view ourselves and others. In some cultures, there is a lot of emphasis placed on taking care of others and putting their needs before our own. So, we may have learned to prioritize other people’s feelings over our own.
- Lack of Self-Awareness: Sometimes, we are just too caught up in looking after everyone else that we forget to look after ourselves. We do not really stop and think about what we want or how we are doing, so it is tough to treat ourselves with the same kindness we give to others.
But here is the thing: practicing self-compassion is really important for our mental and emotional well-being. Just like we would comfort a friend who is going through a tough time, we need to be kind and gentle with ourselves when we make mistakes. So, how can we start?
- Be Mindful: Pay attention to how you are feeling and what you are thinking without judging yourself.
- Challenge Negative Thoughts: When you catch yourself being hard on yourself, try to replace those thoughts with more positive ones.
- Lower Your Expectations: It is okay to aim high, but it is also okay to fall short sometimes because many people learn much from their mistakes. Try to be realistic about what you can achieve.
- Lean on Others: Do not be afraid to ask for help or support when you need it. Your friends and family are there for you, just like you are there for them.
- Take Care of Yourself: Make time for activities that make you happy and relaxed; you can go for a walk, read a book, or you can spend time with loved ones.
Showing ourselves the same kindness and understanding that we show to others is not always easy, but it is worth it. Therefore, let’s make a promise to never let our mistakes or failures define us. Instead, let’s learn from them, forgive ourselves, and move forward with compassion, grace, and self-love.
